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Embracing the Conundrum of Life
THE REV. F. M. "BUDDY" STALLINGS
FEBRUARY 28, 2014
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"It seems to me that one ought to rejoice in the fact of death - ought to decide, indeed, to earn one's death by confronting with passion the conundrum of life. One is responsible to life: It is the small beacon in that terrifying darkness from which we come and to which we shall return." -- James Baldwin, "Down at the Cross," in "The Fire Next Time".
Yesterday, the privilege of my role allowed me to be present with two faithful women at the death of one, who was the mother of the other. A long and good life, a demographic in this case which did not alter the sense that it was too soon, came to a kind of end, definitive in the way that death is, undeniable and final, and yet somehow a gateway into that dazzling darkness from which we have come, about which we know almost nothing, but of which we continue to ponder and wonder, and some of us hope.
"Rejoicing in the fact of death by confronting with passion the conundrum of life," Mr. Baldwin, it seems, expects a great deal of us. And well he should, and so should we. These words put me in mind of Ash Wednesday, which arrives next week. I am struck always, almost dismayed, by the sheer numbers of those who line up to hear the words of the church, remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return. Not our cheeriest message, we have a few that go down a bit better; and, yet, it is this one that great numbers appear eager to hear each year and not only to hear, but also to bear the smudge that illustrates its raw truth.
Coming across this beautiful writing of James Baldwin has deepened my appreciation for what we say on Ash Wednesday, at least at this moment lessening my almost insurmountable inclination each year to add to our somber phrase, have a nice day. Yes, I am far from unaffected by the appeal of consumerist religion and sometimes desire a little more positive packaging. And yet, perhaps our annual facing of this fact about ourselves puts us in better standing to passionately face the conundrum of life. If reminding us that none of this continues forever converts us permanently, or simply until we get outside the church door, that life is terminal and therefore inherently precious, then we have, and more correctly God has, given a reminder packed with power to change our lives.
Our conundrums are real, real enough to remind us that we are alive. And if that makes us, as I believe it does, more conscious and more present, then bring them on! I am indeed dust and it is that to which I am clearly headed; but at this moment I am alive - and so are you. I'll take it - all of it, grabbing it in fact, for it is indeed what I have, conundrums and all.
Welcome Sunday will be celebrated this Sunday at the 11 o'clock service. Whether you have completed the EXPLORE classes for new members or not, if you have decided that St. Bart's is the place to which you want to hitch your spiritual journey, COME ON DOWN! We will welcome you with open arms, believing that your presence with us enhances our journeys too! Though we offer more questions than answers, we promise to walk together in what may just be the most meaningful search of our lives!
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