My Best Friend's Death

Claude died about 4 years ago now.  He was 48.  He died of bone cancer.  He was big, strong, a great athlete, a surfer, a musician, a father, a husband, and he had a great laugh.  I think about him pretty much every day.  He was my oldest friend.  He lived in California and I in Pennsylvania.  I found out after the fact that he had died.  The last I heard he was getting better.  When he was better I would travel to visit with him.  That never happened.  Unfortunately I was unable to travel to California for his memorial service.  My sister in California was able to represent me.  Thank you Ellen.  So what do we do now.  So many of us in America grew up in a very mobile society.  I grew up in New York.  Now I live in Pennsylvania, a sister of mine lives in California, and another sister lives in Vermont (her husband grew up in Dublin, Ireland).  We communicate so often via email and text and Skype.  Technology is wonderful, but it doesn't replace being together physically with someone.  Traditional mourning rituals are often religious based and involve physical presence and attendance.  But many seem to have moved away from traditional funerals and burial and mourning.  What do we do if we are not nearby geographically?

Mourning is often a personal experience anyway.  Time does often heal many wounds.  When a loved one dies you want the world to take a time-out.  But it doesn't.  Time is surreal immediately after a death.  The world keeps spinning.  So many people are too "busy" to deal with death and loss and mourning.  If you know someone who loses a loved one tread lightly but do talk to them, and maybe deliver some food to them.  Some sort of secular mourning gathering could be appropriate in helping people mourn and perhaps help them to move beyond mourning.  If the griever is distant from family plan with friends a gathering for the griever.  Make them by invitation only.  Let the griever share words or pictures or whatever about the deceased, if appropriate.  It takes a village to raise a child but it can be nice when a death occurs.