Just another add on thought FYI: Geri has been mostly very difficult through all this, very mean and demanding something often, close to all of the time. She has not been thankful or appreciative. And she has often been very mean to Amy, insulting and belittling Amy.We have a hospice nurse coming roughly every other day to the house. She is really quite helpful, to us and to Geri. Yesterday she pulled us aside and asked if we had a funeral home in mind that we want to use for Geri. And we answered no we do not have a particular funeral home in mind. She offered that now is the time to pick out a funeral home and that we should keep their phone # handy. She feels that Geri's at time labored breathing among other issues indicates that Geri could have an episode at any time, and that she could die.
It's funny because the nurse being so direct makes you focus on and really think about death pretty clearly, as clearly as is possible. It's still hard to fully grasp, especially for Amy who has not lost a parent yet. And Jack doesn't want to think about it and the details at all. When we've brought up death with Geri briefly and only 2 or 3 times in the last few months, when she was able to think better and to understand things, she always said, "do whatever you want." To me that is very selfish, irresponsible and actually kind of mean. The Geri I know has been great at times but often she's been very selfish, and jealous, living her life. The right thing to do is to figure it out FOR us and tell us what to do in detail so that we don't have to figure out what to do, to "do whatever we want." Death is hard for most people. Even right now Amy is struggling with what to do. We're not thinking clearly NOW. It's hard to focus on. And when death
does occur thinking clearly will be hard; emotion, grieving and sadness kick in. It can be easy to talk about death away from death, way before death has occurred (even though most Americans, only about 28%, preplan), but most Americans still do not like to talk about death, and do not do so easily.
Amy is thinking that when Geri dies she does not want to see people. While grieving she just wants to grieve she doesn't want to talk to people. So she does not want a funeral. She's wondering though if our friends and her family would think that that's a terrible thing. Probably we will cremate Geri and scatter most of her ashes privately in different places nearby. Thinking about "doing whatever we want" burial-wise and funeral-wise for Geri has been hard and usually Amy starts crying.
Amy advised Jack to tell Geri he loves her. He offered that he had not said that to Geri in a long time. Amy thinks she will start calling some family and friends today and suggest that they come by the house to say goodbye to Geri. Even though Jack thinks we should tell no one. Watch, Geri will live 6 more months, or years.?!
Hospice asked Geri a # of times if she would like to see a chaplain and Geri has said no, loudly, each and every time. As difficult as Geri has been at times, we still love her very much.
It's such a cliche unfortunately, and we all get so caught up in our lives, but love the one you're with, and enjoy each and every day.
To Be Continued
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