Kevin Riordan: Help for those grieving during the holidays
For people grieving the death of a loved one, holidays can be more stressful than festive.
"Some find comfort in the traditions, but others just can't celebrate," says Joanna Donati, a bereavement counselor with Samaritan Healthcare and Hospice in Marlton. "It helps to realize they're not alone."
With that in mind, her agency is among those in South Jersey offering memorial observances or support groups to help people in mourning navigate this tricky time of year.
One of Donati's clients, Blackwood resident Geri Fanelli, lost her younger brother, Mario, to cancer on Nov. 1. He would have been 62 Thursday.
"We all usually get together on Thanksgiving, but because it's falling on my brother's birthday, we've decided not to have that gathering," Fanelli, 65, says. "It's too heartbreaking."
Grief counselors note that Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and other seasonal celebrations can be taxing under the best of circumstances. "People put a lot of pressure on themselves around the holidays," Donati says.
"It's a high-energy time of year, but many people who are grieving experience very low energy," notes Andra Vasko, bereavement coordinator with Moorestown Visiting Nurses and Hospice.
The organization also is offering holiday coping sessions.
"The word closure is overused," Vasko says, adding that "when the holidays approach, grieving people may start to feel, 'I'm not where I ought to be.' But people have their own time schedule" with grief "and their own version of learning to live with their loss."
Caring Hospice Services in Mount Laurel, where Lori Feiler is chaplain, held two memorial services in early November for clients' lost loved ones.
"We may not be able to have Grandma cook us a turkey dinner anymore, but we can remember her on Thanksgiving," she says. "Even just speaking openly can be such a huge part of healing."
Fanelli is no stranger to grief. She already lost a younger brother, Michael, in 2004.
"He and Mario were bookends to me," she says. "They were like my protectors. We were the three musketeers."
Fanelli, who is single, has a grown daughter and other siblings. But she feels "abandoned" by the loss of her two brothers, both of whom loved Christmas.
"For our family, it's always a huge thing. A lot of celebration. A lot of happiness," Fanelli says. "We're not sure what we're going to do for Christmas this year."
Grieving people can be overwhelmed by "the whole shopping thing, and the commercials, and the Christmas music on the radio," Donati says. "We suggest they not overcommit and try to leave things a little open-ended."
Her support group has been "very helpful," Fanelli says. "It gave me an outlet. I was able to talk it out and cry it out and put it in perspective. Across the table from me were two other people going through the same thing.
"We talked, we cried, we felt a burden had been lifted. We're going to continue to meet and try to get through the holidays together."
To preregister for holiday grief support groups sponsored by Samaritan, call 1-800-596-8550. For other information, visit Moorestownvna.org or Caringhospice.com.
Contact Kevin Riordan at 856-779-3845 orkriordan@phillynews.com, or follow on Twitter @inqkriordan. Read the metro columnists' blog, "Blinq," atwww.phillynews.com/blinq.
No comments:
Post a Comment