Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Death, And What Makes a Murderer?

"The ability to kill is fundamental to any healthy person.  Our existence is a fight for gain, and whoever cannot kill his neighbor has no right to an existence.  Killing is, after all, only hastening the inevitable.  Death allows no exceptions, which is good, because life is pain and suffering.  In that sense, every murder is an act of charity.  It just doesn't seem like that when the sun warms your skin or water wets your lips and you recognize your idiotic lust for life in every heartbeat and are ready to buy mere crumbs of time with everything you have accrued through life:  dignity, status, principles.  That is when you have to dig deep, to give a wide berth to the confusing, blinding light.  Into the cold, illuminating darkness.  And perceive the hard kernel.  The truth.  That is what I found.  Whatever is is that makes a person into a murderer.
What about my life?  Do I also believe it is a calm, unruffled ocean of time?
Not at all.  Before long I, too, will be lying on death's refuse heap, together with all the other role players in this little drama.  But whatever stage of decay my body may attain, even if all that remains is the skeleton, it will have a smile on its lips.  This is what I live for now:  my right to exist, my chance to be cleansed, to be cleared of all dishonor.
But this is only the beginning.  Now I am going to switch off the lamp and go out into the light of day.  The little that is left."

-- from The Leopard by Jo Nesbo

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