Showing posts with label funny poem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny poem. Show all posts

Monday, August 8, 2016

At the Sunny Ridge Retirement Center by Peg Bresnahan/POEM - Writer's Almanac with Garrison Keillor, Saturday, August 6, 2016

Writer's Almanac with Garrison Keillor, August 6, 2016. Saturday:


At the Sunny Ridge Retirement Center

During Harriet’s memorial service,
Frances leaned, put her head
on my shoulder and died—quietly
as if she didn’t want to interrupt
Harriet’s program.
The minister didn’t see us,
no one knew except me. At the piano,
Mary played the introduction
to Going Home. Everyone thumbed
their hymnals for page two hundred forty-three.
I didn’t know what to do, since Frances
still looked like Frances, only not quite
and she was ninety-five. I put my arm
around her so she wouldn’t fall
and waited for someone to notice.
Through the French doors
finches squabbled at the bird feeder.
The squirrel we call Rocky
contemplated his next move.
A laundry truck rolled by.
I looked down at Frances’ navy blue crocs,
the ones she claimed felt so much
like bedroom slippers
she could wear them anywhere.
“At the Sunny Ridge Retirement Center” by Peg Bresnahan from In a Country None of Us Called Home. © Press 53, 2014. Reprinted with permission.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

"The Cremation of Sam McGee" / Funny Poem by Robert William Service



The Cremation of Sam McGee


robwmservRobert William Service (January 16, 1874 – September 11, 1958) was a poet and writer who has often been called “the Bard of the Yukon”.
Service is best known for his poems “The Shooting of Dan McGrew” and “The Cremation of Sam McGee”, from his first book, Songs of a Sourdough (1907; also published as The Spell of the Yukon and Other Verses). “These humorous tales in verse were considered doggerel by the literary set, yet remain extremely popular to this day.” Songs of a Sourdough has sold more than three million copies, making it the most commercially successful book of poetry of the 20th century.

The Cremation of Sam McGee

poem by Robert W. Service
There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold.
The arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold.
The northern lights have seen queer sights
But the queerest they ever did see,
Was that night on the marge of Lake LeBarge
I cremated Sam McGee.
Now Sam McGee was from Tenessee
Where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the south to roam
’round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold
Seemed to hold him like a spell,
Though he’d often say in his homely way
That “he’d sooner live in Hell.”
On a Christmas day we were mushing our way
Over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka’s fold
It stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we’d close, then the lashes froze
till sometimes we couldn’t see.
It wasn’t much fun, but the only one
To whimper was Sam McGee.
And that very night, as we lay packed tight
In our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o’er head
Were dancing heel and toe,
He turns to me, and “Cap” says he
“I’ll cash in this trip, I guess.
And if I do, I’m asking that you
Won’t refuse my last request.”
Well, he seemed so low that I couldn’t say no,
Then he says with a sort of a moan,
“It’s the cursed cold, it’s got right hold
’til I’m chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet tain’t being dead – it’s my awful dread
Of the icy grave that pains.
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair,
You’ll cremate my last remains.”
A pal’s last need is a thing to heed,
So I swore I would not fail.
And we started on at the streak of dawn,
But, God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day
Of his home in Tenessee,
And before nightfall, a corpse was all
That was left of Sam McGee.
There wasn’t a breath in that land of death,
And I hurried, horror-driven.
With a corpse half hid, that I couldn’t get rid,
Because of a promise given.
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say,
“You may tax your brawn and your brains,
But you promised true, and it’s up to you
To cremate those last remains.”
Now, a promise made is a debt unpaid,
And the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb,
In my heart, how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night by the lone firelight
While the huskies ’round in a ring
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows
Oh, God, how I loathed the thing.
And every day that quiet clay
Seemed to heavy and heavier grow.
But on I went, though the dogs were spent
And the grub was getting low.
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad,
But I swore I would not give in.
And I’d often sing to the hateful thing
And it harkened with a grin.
Till I came to the marge of Lake LeBarge
And a derelict there lay.
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice
It was called the “Alice May”.
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit,
And I looked at my frozen chum,
Then “Here,” said I with a sudden cry
“Is my cre-ma-tor-eum.”
Some planks I tore from the cabin floor
And lit the boiler fire.
Some coal I found that was lying around
And heaped the fuel higher.
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared -
Such a blaze you seldom see.
And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal
And I stuffed in Sam McGee.
Then I made a hike, for I didn’t like
to hear him sizzle so.
And the heavens scowled and the huskies howled
and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled
down my cheeks, I don’t know why.
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak
went streaking down the sky.
I do not know how long in the snow
I wrestled with grisly fear.
But the stars were out and they danced about
‘ere again I ventured near.
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said
“I’ll just take a peep inside.
I guess he’s cooked, and it’s time I looked”
…Then the door I opened wide.
And there sat Sam, looking cold and calm
In the heart of the furnace roar.
And he wore a smile you could see a mile,
And said “Please close that door.
It’s fine in here, but I greatly fear
You’ll let in the cold and storm.
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tenessee,
It’s the first time I’ve been warm.”
There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold.
The arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold.
The northern lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake LeBarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

"I Didn't Go to Church Today" Funny Poem by Ogden Nash (Plenty of time together with God, in Afterlife)


I Didn't Go to Church Today

I didn't go to church today,
I trust the Lord to understand.
The surf was swirling blue and white,
The children swirling on the sand.
He knows, He knows how brief my stay,
How brief this spell of summer weather,
He knows when I am said and done
We'll have plenty of time together.
"I Didn't Go to Church Today" by Ogden Nash from The Best of Ogden Nash. © Ivan R. Dee, 2007. Reprinted with permission.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

"Posthumous" Poem by Jean Nordhaus

Poetry FoundationPoem of the Day

3 / 6 / 2014

Poem of the Day: Posthumous

BY JEAN NORDHAUS
Would it surprise you to learn
that years beyond your longest winter
you still get letters from your bank, your old
philanthropies, cold flakes drifting
through the mail-slot with your name?
Though it's been a long time since your face
interrupted the light in my door-frame,
and the last tremblings of your voice
have drained from my telephone wire,
from the lists of the likely, your name
is not missing. It circles in the shadow-world
of the machines, a wind-blown ghost. For generosity
will be exalted, and good credit
outlasts death. Caribbean cruises, recipes,
low-interest loans. For you who asked
so much of life, who lived acutely
even in duress, the brimming world
awaits your signature. Cancer and heart disease
are still counting on you for a cure.
B'nai Brith numbers you among the blessed.
They miss you. They want you back.

Source: Poetry (February 1999).

JEAN NORDHAUS

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Throw Death,God,Truth,Etc Out Window/"The Whole Mess...Almost" Poem by Gregory Corso/


Poetry FoundationPoem of the Day

2 / 26 / 2014

Poem of the Day: The Whole Mess ... Almost

BY GREGORY CORSO
I ran up six flights of stairs
to my small furnished room   
opened the window
and began throwing out
those things most important in life

First to go, Truth, squealing like a fink:
"Don't! I'll tell awful things about you!"
"Oh yeah? Well, I've nothing to hide ... OUT!"
Then went God, glowering & whimpering in amazement:   
"It's not my fault! I'm not the cause of it all!" "OUT!"   
Then Love, cooing bribes: "You'll never know impotency!   
All the girls on Vogue covers, all yours!"
I pushed her fat ass out and screamed:
"You always end up a bummer!"
I picked up Faith Hope Charity
all three clinging together:
"Without us you'll surely die!"
"With you I'm going nuts! Goodbye!"

Then Beauty ... ah, Beauty—
As I led her to the window
I told her: "You I loved best in life
... but you're a killer; Beauty kills!"   
Not really meaning to drop her
I immediately ran downstairs
getting there just in time to catch her   
"You saved me!" she cried
I put her down and told her: "Move on."

Went back up those six flights
went to the money
there was no money to throw out.
The only thing left in the room was Death   
hiding beneath the kitchen sink:
"I'm not real!" It cried
"I'm just a rumor spread by life ... "   
Laughing I threw it out, kitchen sink and all   
and suddenly realized Humor
was all that was left—
All I could do with Humor was to say:   
"Out the window with the window!"

Gregory Corso, "The Whole Mess ... Almost" from Herald of the Autochthonic Spirit. Copyright © 1973, 1975, 1981 by Gregory Corso. Reprinted with the permission of New Directions Publishing Corporation.

Source: Mindfield: New and Selected Poems (New Directions Publishing Corporation, 1989)

GREGORY CORSO