At Your Expensive Funeral Home/Cemetery Are You A $#, Or A Person?

Most funeral homes and cemeteries are expensive and getting more expensive yearly.  It is expensive to die in America.  Many funeral homes and cemeteries are now owned by large publicly traded companies (Service Corp. International, Stewart Enterprises, StoneMor Partners, Carriage Services, etc.).  These companies are under great pressure to report higher revenues and earnings to satisfy Wall Street.  They pay their top management ridiculously large amounts of money via salary and bonuses and stock options (as their stock prices have appreciated very little over 10+ years!).  They have expensive sales management tiers in place, even as their rank and file workers are paid very little.  They all have sales staff at funeral homes and cemeteries that are paid by commission and are under intense pressure to meet sales quotas.  Therefore believe it or not you can experience intense sales pressure at these high expense funeral homes/cemeteries.  You will be a sales # thing, not a person.

Subterranean Homesick Roman Catacomb Blues

No burials were allowed in ancient Rome within the 11 miles of city walls.  There are roughly 40 catacombs slightly outside and all around Rome.  After people stopped using them in about 500 AD, they were virtually forgotten for about 1000 years.  Land was expensive so poor Christians built catacombs many stories deep on land owned by a few wealthy Christians.  (Some catacombs were Jewish catacombs.)   There are 300 miles of tomb-lined tunnels with networks of galleries 5 layers deep.
One of the noteworthy catacombs is San Callisto.  Many martyrs, saints and 9 3rd century popes were buried there.  Other regular people chose to be buried nearby in order to be close to these esteemed people.  There were 1/2 million tombs in San Callisto alone.  The bones have been long since removed.  Catacombs were not hiding places but rather were simply used as underground cemeteries.

Do YOU Have A Will?

In his Web Wealth column in today's Philadelphia Inquirer Business section Reid Kanaley writes:  "Writing a will may not be the most pressing issue on your mind, so it remains one of the most important things that a lot of people never do."  Thank you Web Wealth:

Only half of Americans with children have wills.  Meanwhile, dying young is a fact of life and a will can be used to designate guardians for children, leave property to an unmarried partner, or designate how to handle digital assets and social media accounts-a growing issue as we conduct more of our business and personal lives online.  If you die intestate, or without a will, it's likely that a court-appointed stranger will divvy up your loot.  You'll be dead so it's not your problem.  But it will create complications for your family and friends

Outsourced Grave Care With A Cemetery Butler?

Have you hired a wantologist, someone you can hire to help you figure out what you want?  Everything can be outsourced now.  If you want to break up with someone you can hire a person to do just that.  You can hire a life coach, a potty trainer for your infant, a housekeeper, a house sitter, a surrogate mom taxi service, a wedding planner, a birthday party planner, a knife coach, etc.  Or you can rent a cat, rent a ferret, rent a dog, rent a friend, rent a mom and/or dad, rent a  grandmother and/or grandfather, rent a womb, etc.  You can hire a grave visitor or gravetender or grave butler, someone who will visit, tend, beautify, place flowers on, palm crosses on, etc.  the graves of loved ones.  All of this speaks to how "busy" we all are now.  We're busy busy busy, too  busy to do the above ourselves.  You can hire others to do almost anything.  Do we really want this?  If you google wedding planner, 25 million results pop up.

Thanks to Arlie Russell Hochschild, author of "The Outsourced Self:  Intimate Life in Market Times."

Movin' On Up, For Real, Sherman Hemsley R.I.P.

Sherman Alexander Hemsley, 1938-2012, died yesterday at 74 in his home in El Paso, TX.  The Philadelphia, PA native never married and had no children.  He really, finally, is Movin' On Up.

Woodchuck Guilty Of Cemetery Flag Thefts

In Cedar Park Cemetery (Hudson City Cemetery?) in Hudson, NY a woodchuck/groundhog has been found guilty of stealing 75 American flags from Civil War graves.  Hudson is on the Hudson River about 30 miles south of Albany, NY.  About 25 flags were found missing on July 4.  But all of the short wood poles were still in place.  The community mobilized, placed 25 new flags, and offered a $500.00 reward for information.  Shortly afterward the flags were missing again and the poles were still in place.  Baffled, upset and frustrated the community placed 25 more new flags on the graves.  This time the police then placed cameras in trees to record the culprit.  The new flags disappeared again.  The culprit was seen on  film.  It was a woodchuck.  Then a camera was placed on a pole and inserted in the groundhog's burrow.  Voila!  There in the burrow were all of the missing flags.  Was the groundhog upset about something?  Was he upset with Groundhog Phil in Punxsutawney, PA for some reason?  Who knows? Apparently there is a chemical coating on the flags in question that appeals to woodchucks.

Death And Your Online Accounts

I've discussed this here before but this is important.  Thanks Techlicious:

Death and Your Online Accounts  You probably have a will that covers your money and physical property, but what about your online digital assets—your email, photo accounts and Facebook, among others? What will happen to that stuff when you die? If you haven't made provisions in your will, your heirs may have problems accessing your accounts or may stumble upon information you may prefer not come to light. In some cases, your heirs may even have to go to court for the right to manage your affairs. To avoid complications, designating an online executor in your will, along with a list of all the websites and login credentials and clear instructions on what to do upon your death, is a must.. To learn more about creating a digital will and protecting your digital assets (and what happens if you don't), read our story onTechlicious.

Passing Human Bones With Chopsticks; Buddhist Death Rites

In Buddhist death rites survivors pass the bones of the deceased amongst family members with chopsticks.  Because of this it is considered bad manners and bad luck to pass food using chopsticks for others to try. You can share bones with chopsticks, but not food:

Most Japanese funeral services are held in a Buddhist style. The following is a description of a typical Japanese funeral. There exist many variations depending on region and Buddhist sect.On the funeral day the body is cremated. The guests take a small meal during that time in the crematorium. Afterwards, the relatives pick the bones out of the ash and pass them from person to person by chopsticks. The actual funeral ceremony is then held by Buddhist monks according to Buddhist rituals. Many guests are present at this ceremony. Each of them will pay about 20,000 yen to the relatives and receive a small gift in return. After the end of the ceremony, another meal is held among the close relatives. The urn is put on an altar at the family's house and kept there for 35 days. Incense sticks (osenko) are burned there around the clock (special 12 hour sticks for the night exist). Many visitors will come to the house, burn a stick, and talk to the family. After 35 days, the urn is finally buried in a Buddhist cemetery. Buddhist temple with cemeteryThe Japanese visit their ancestors' graves on many occasions during the year: especially during theobon week, the anniversaries, and the equinoctial weeks. There are certain things (e.g. concerning chopsticks) one should not do in everyday life because they are linked to funeral rites and death, and are, therefore, suspected to cause bad luck

Iceberg Lettuce / In Memoriam

Below is a wonderful memorial to a deceased loved one:

Posted: 13 Jul 2012 11:58 AM PDT For Marion Cunningham—a rare and beautiful woman—who loved a good head of iceberg.

"A Sailor's Prayer" = A Family's Love, July 4

This was written by Joseph Anthony Welteroth, U.S. Navy, Winter 1945, Pacific Ocean (Iwo Jima?).  He wrote it to his wife in Pennsylvania in 1945.  It appeared in full page ads in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal and other newspapers across the United States on July 4, 2012.  It was placed by the four sons of the parents and it had to cost at least $250,000.00.  Quite a tribute:



Here's the ad:





And here's the text again:

“A Sailor’s Prayer”

“We will not go gently into this dark night.  For the love we carry will guide the light.  And hold our tears ’til the morning’s bright.  Awakened again into the night, We will not go gently into this dark night.  The day surrounds us without its light, And silence falls, come soon the night.  Where shadows cast past fire’s light, we will not go gently into this dark night.  The paths before us, the dark, the light.  We ask for nothing, we know what’s right.  The truth, the glory, it’s found its fight.  Our strength, our courage, our guiding light.  We will not go gently into this dark night, And give our life without the right to call the sun into the night, and question the question, what’s wrong, what’s right.  We will not go gently into this dark night.  For the love we share will guide the light, And pray someday you find what’s right?  We pray someday you find the light.  We will not go gently into this great night.  The paths before us, the dark, the light.  Tomorrow comes and so the fight.  Where Heroes fall but still we fight.  Their voices call into the night.  This war won’t end, no end in sight.  We ask for nothing, we fight this fight.  We ask for nothing, we know what’s right.  We ask for nothing.  We found the light.”

Joseph Anthony Welteroth, U.S. Navy

Where was Andy Griffith Buried?

Andy Griffith (June 1, 1926-July 3, 2012), R.I.P.  Was Mayberry heaven on earth?  Griffith died from a heart attack at his home on Roanoke Island in Dare County, North Carolina.  He was buried in the Griffith Family Cemetery on the island within FIVE hours of his death.!  Wow.

Free Funeral, . . . in Qatar

Qatar is a sovereign Arab country on a peninsula in the Persian Gulf, its sole land border is with Saudi Arabia to the south.  It has the world's highest per capita GDP.  It takes very good care of its 1,854,000 citizens.  No one leaves or wants to leave Qatar.  One of many free perks of being Qatari is that the government takes care of, and pays for, your funeral and all of your deathcare arrangements.

What If You Died Tomorrow? PREPLAN!!

Every day there are stories about people dying unexpectedly.  Are we ever really ready for a loved one's death?  Why don't we all give the gift to our survivors of preplanning AND pre-paying our funeral and cemetery arrangements?!

The Rev. Buddy Stallings of St. Bartholomew's Church in New York City recently wrote some exquisitely eloquent words about the sudden death at 7:30 A.M. of a church employee who was already at work at the church.  The employee was 58.   He was a father, brother, son, etc.:

Offering all we have THE REV. F. M. "BUDDY" STALLINGS JUNE 29, 2012   On Wednesday morning Rex Villa,our Lead Engineer, arrived at work before seven as he normally did to start a very early and conscientious day. By 7:30 several of us were standing heartbroken and fearing the worst by his side as a gurney transported him to the hospital. In hardly any time at all, the doctors announced what we already knew: Rex had died. He was 58 years old but only by a few days. Rex was quiet but not as quiet as I thought. The colleagues who worked most closely with him have told great stories about his terrific sense of humor. I knew him most as one who had a ready smile, an immediate willingness to do all he could to help, and the ability to repair complicated systems that saved us lots of money. As his wife, children and large extended family gathered around him in the ER at the hospital, I came very quickly to know much more about him. Beloved husband and father, son (his father is still alive; I just can't imagine what he must be feeling), brother -- his was a pivotal role in a big full life outside St. Bart's. One of his sisters today shared a conversation in which he and she had recently engaged. They were talking about how rough life can be, the drone of work and the regularity of doing it all over day-after-day. She recalled Rex's words like this, "I guess we weren't made to be rich, but what we have is the opportunity to work every day and provide for our family. And that is enough." In my book these are the words of a deeply wise man. No matter how long I am in this business or in this life for that matter, I have learned again this week something that is a huge truth. There is not much to be said to people facing such loss from their lives -- lives that looked and were one way late Tuesday evening that morphed into something so foreign a few hours later as to be truly unimaginable. Rex's beautiful wife, Gina, and his three bright teenage kids are in un-chartered water. Nothing seems okay because it isn't. And nothing really will ever make this loss okay; but at some point, people who love them and have earned the right to say something like this will promise this family that someday it won't be so horrible as it is right now. And slowly they will come to find that that is true. Until then, all of us who cared for Rex and now find our hearts breaking for his family will just stand quietly by them, offering all we have, which is our presence

Have You Bought Your Reusable Coffin Yet?

Back in 1784 Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II decreed that his Viennese citizens must start using reusable coffins in Vienna's five cemeteries.     (Joseph's full name was eventually Holy Roman Emperor Joseph Benedikt Anton Michael Adam Hapsburg.)  Joseph wanted to speed up the process of the body turning to dust/ash and so it was dropped through a trapdoor in the bottom of the reusable coffin directly into the earth.  But since there were so few emperors they, including Joseph, should be placed in nice coffins that would only be used once.  Joseph was actually reacting to an escalation in his time of the mourning process.  People were trying to outdo their neighbors by having very elaborate and expensive funerals and burials.  They were obsessed with a "schoene Leich" or beautiful funeral.  But his new reusable coffin decree lasted only 5 years.  It was so unpopular that there were mass protest marches against it and near-riots.

As a footnote, caskets today range in price from about $900 all the way up to about $250,000.