Did You Make Plans For Your Money When You Die?

We're all going to die.  No one's found a way around it, yet.  But what about your money, your finances? Your money will outlive you.  So it would be nice of you if you would help your survivors deal with this.  Per Kiplinger.com there are 3 reasons people have for not doing so:

Excuse #1:  You're not going to die.
Excuse #2:  You've been too busy.
Excuse #3:  You can't stand thinking about a future that doesn't include you.

Most people don't want to think about death. Most of us don't know when death will come knocking.   My father died suddenly and unexpectedly.  He never would talk about death.  Therefore, he did not believe in life insurance.  My poor mother.  His inaction while he was alive created an absolute nightmare and mess for his survivors, especially my mother.

So check out Kiplinger.com for estate-planning steps to "die the right way," including tips for planning your funeral party.

Think about writing your life story.  This will prove to be invaluable to all of your eventual survivors.  When you die a lot of family history can be lost forever unfortunately.  This will frustrate survivors.  And knowing that you wrote your story will be a big comfort to family after your death.

What about someone to manage your investments, if you have any?  I would not trust most stockbrokers and financial planners, even fee-for-service advisers,  with a 1000 foot pole.  I think they only enrich themselves, and that the returns they  trumpet are mediocre at best.  You can do better on your own, and save a lot in expenses by doing so.  It is really not that hard to do yourself.  But it takes time and energy.  But think about it.

Do you have a will?  What happens if you have young children and you die?  Do you have a trust(s)?  Will your estate avoid the tedium and public nature of probate?  Are your finances organized?  Where are all of your passwords and user names, for online accounts and otherwise?

  

Can Software-Based Humans Live Forever?

Recently I saw a show on public TV where 3 scientists stated that within the next 50 years humans will start routinely living for 150 years.  They did not address the quality of life that people will experience.  Will we be miserable from 100 to 150?  Will we be able to afford getting older?  And how will the children of aging parents hold up psychologically, financially, etc.?  Many doctors feel that we will be like cars now.  When we need new parts we'll go into the hospital repair shop, get fixed up and come out new and improved.  (No comments about the lack of quality and affordable auto repair shops.)  This is already happening to some mild extent now.  It's been estimated that there will be 8 million centenarians by 2050.  We're living longer and longer, for better or for worse.

Ray Kurzweil, the author of "The Singularity Is Near:  When Humans Transcend Biology," believes that we're close to unlocking the key to immortality.  Yes you heard right:  I M M O R T A L I T Y.  "Software-based humans"  will survive indefinitely on the web "projecting bodies whenever they need or want them, including virtual bodies in diverse realms of virtual reality."  Whoa!  I, or my children and their children, better start perfecting our interactive web games skills (World of Warcraft, etc.).

What we do now is bury or entomb or cremate bodies.  That's what humans have been doing for thousands of years.  So perhaps no more expensive grave plots for our grandchildren in the future.

Yikes It's the End of the World Jim (Again)!!

Apocalypse now!  Armageddon!!  It's the end of the world!!  Martians!  Run!!  Doomsday prophecies have repeatedly come and gone often since the Middle Ages in particular.  Earlier this year Christian radio broadcaster Harold Camping (born July 19, 1921) predicted that on May 21, 2011 Jesus would return to Earth for the Rapture, followed by months of fire, brimstone and plagues on Earth with millions of people dying each day.  When that did not happen he then decided that the Universe would be destroyed by God on October 21,  2011.  On October 21 at about 9 AM I was watching one of the national morning TV programs and I was still alive.  An awful lot of people had the end of the world in the back of their minds. One of the TV host pundits pointed out that it was already October 22 in Australia.  The Universe had survived.  So with relief I got on with the rest of my day.  Camping had twice before predicted the end of the world in 1988 and 1994.  There will surely be more end of times predictions ahead.

Dance a Jig On Your Grave

True or false:  Per the real artist Shea Hembrey, his created artists Micah Abernathy and Bud Holland "wanting to create a joyous practice linked with death they (Abernathy and Holland) are working to establish dig jigs in a few rural Tennessee communities.  A dig jig is set on a milestone birthday or wedding anniversary for the person or couple to dance on the actual grave where they'll eventually be buried.  Friends and family gather to watch them dance on this spot."  Is this true or false?  Do you like the idea?  Will it take?  Why not do it if you own the grave(s) and your body will be spending eternity there?

Who's to Blame for 2010 Upper Big Branch Mining Disaster?

29 miners died in the above disaster.  Massey Energy (now owned by Alpha Natural Resources) was the owner of the mine.  Alpha settled with the Justice Department, for $209 million in fines and restitution, to avoid prosecution for the disaster.  The criminal investigation of top officials of Massey Energy must continue as they systematically, intentionally and aggressively worked to avoid safety compliance and to thwart regulators.  If Massey had complied with mining regulations in the first place not one miner would have died!  Lies were told and records were destroyed.  More than a dozen of Massey's highest officers have all taken the 5th!  Why?  They should all be held accountable (and they should make themselves accountable).  Are these executives not embarrassed?  Are they not humbled?  How can they live with themselves?  They and their behavior are corrupt.  Corporate America at its finest once again.  These executives have paid fines with the corporate checkbook, with shareholder's money.

Formula 1 Driver Death Tragedies

Formula 1 car road racing in Europe from the 1940's into the late 1960s was fast, furious, competitive, violent and often calamitous.  F1 racing then was extremely popular in Europe, and winning races was very prestigious for racers.  For about 20 years almost 1 driver died per race on average.  Funerals were common.  On the straightaways speeds could hit 250 miles per hour.  The drivers lived on the edge.  They loved what they did.  They tried hard to be in "the zone", that space where they can see ahead and react well to all of the other drivers.  Racers looked for "the limit" also, the theoretical speed where the car is on the verge of spinning out of control.  It's a gut feeling.  Drivers were addicted to "a nodding acquaintance with death."  Many expected to die on the track.

Most courses then had no protective barriers for spectators.  In the 1955 Le Mans race a Mercedes car crashed and killed 80 spectators.  In the race for the Formula 1 championship in 1961 at the Italian Grand Prix a car crash killed 14 spectators and 2 drivers.

Specks in Time

In 1977 the unmanned probes Voyagers I and II were launched to explore Jupiter and Saturn.  The completed their missions.  And they are still alive and going, farther and farther from the Earth, and transmitting interstellar space data.  They are close to leaving our Milky Way.  Their data transmission batteries should last another 14 years roughly.  After that the Voyagers will keep moving away from the Earth.   Potentially they could travel for BILLIONS of years!  In about 5 Billion years our Sun will consume the Earth and life will end.   (We'll see.  Man can be very inventive.)   So the Voyagers could outlive us, and perhaps if there is intelligent life elsewhere and they find a Voyager there is information available on board about us and the Earth to be decoded.  The information includes music, images, and greetings in hundreds of dialects.  (Thanks to Peter Krauss for the above.  He writes:   "The universe will go on quite nicely with or without us." and "...perhaps giving the impression (from the information mentioned above) that we knew we were lucky to exist for a brief time on this cosmic speck, instead of suffering under the solipsistic notion that we somehow reigned supreme in a universe created for us."

Strange but Unfortunately True Life and Death Stories

A woman in England's partner grew bored with her.  So he and a friend tasered her.  They bound her hands, feet and mouth with tape.  Then they put her in a long cardboard box which they then buried in a shallow grave.  They left her there to die.  She started cutting away at the tape with her engagement ring.  She was successful in getting rid of the tape.  In all it took her an hour to undo the tape and to rip through the cardboard and dig her way out.  Covered in dirt she ran to a nearby road, flagged down a car, and then went to the authorities.  Ah love.

Funny/Odd Death Thoughts That Happen to be Real

The sign reads:  "Ray Cemetery, The End of the Road."

Another sign elsewhere reads:  "Turn Left Ahead for Cemetery/Dump."

In the Bronx, NY there is a motorcycle biker club, the Ching-a-Ling Nomads.  They honor their dead members in their signature tradition of of spitting beer on the graves of deceased Nomads.

Insurers Owe Hundreds of Millions of Dollars to the Beneficiaries of Deceased Customers' Life-Insurance Policies

Well I'll be!  Big corporate malfeasance once again.  I can't believe it but I should know better.  This is scary stuff.    Many of the largest life insurance companies in the country have not paid out death claims on deceased customers' life insurance policies to beneficiaries.  The way the system works now, per life insurance contracts, the beneficiary is supposed to notify the insurance company that the policy holder has died.  But many people/survivors/beneficiaries, mostly low-income, don't even know that the deceased had a life insurance policy.  So the  insurance company sits on the proceeds and gets to keep them if no one claims the money.  The companies use a Social Security death database when it's been beneficial to them, such as cutting off retirement-income checks.  Hmmmm.  They'll go out of their way to benefit themselves but not their customers.   What a surprise!  So state regulators have recently started forcing life insurance companies to use the death database to pay out to beneficiaries.  Will there be penalties, fines and settlement agreements?  Should there be?  So far most of the minimal number of cases settled have resulted in the insurance companies denying wrongdoing as part of the settlement.  Big companies never seem to have a sense of shame.  Why not get them to admit to wrongdoing and then have them pay out a whole lot more money in penalties and fines.  Big companies are slapped on the wrist and executives laugh all the way to the bank.

What Is The Tallest Cemetery In The World?

What will they think of next?  Just when I think I've heard of everything along comes the tallest vertical cemetery in the world (per the Guiness Book of World Records)!  You can actually go online and look it up.  The Memorial Necropole Ecumenica III (MCE) is a 32 story high rise building in Santos, Brazil.  Talk about being closer to heaven.  There is a view of the legendary Santos FC stadium (where Pele played).  There are burial spaces on all 32 floors and eventually 32,000+ people can be buried (roughly 150 tombs per floor that each fit 6 people).  Depending on location tombs can be rented for between $5,900 and $21,000 for 3 years.  And then there are private family burial tombs with memorial rooms that are available for $105,000.  It's set alone at the base of a small hill covered by a lush rainforest.  There is a lobby, a small restaurant, a chapel, a lagoon, a peacock garden, waterfalls throughout,  a parrot and toucan aviary, a goldfish pond with a fountain.  It has become a tourist attraction.  Because it is so hot in Brazil bodies must be interred within 24 hours so MCE is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  MCE has Brazil's first private crematorium; the casket is on a stage and at the end of the ceremony it is slowly lowered into the floor.  This is perhaps strange, but it is true.

What Happens When A Bronze Vase is Stolen From A Flat Bronze Memorial Marker At A Cemetery?

Apparently stealing bronze vases from cemeteries across America has become a big problem.  They are easy to steal.  Thieves attempt to take them to salvage yards for cash.  A large component of bronze vases is copper.  Copper prices are down about 20% from their recent all-time historic high price.  Couple that with a weak economy, and vases from flat bronze memorial markers look like easy money.  Salvage yards know not to accept cemetery vases but not all salvage yards comply unfortunately.  At retail now it would cost about $600 to buy a bronze vase.  They are roughly 10 inches tall and 3 inches around.  So they are clunky and mildly heavy.  Some cemeteries will replace the vases for you at no cost.  Many will not because they don't want to spend the money.  But it's good to ask and know what's included in your Perpetual Care at a cemetery.  This is quite personal as thieves are stealing these from memorials of deceased and buried people.  Ah greed and desperation.  This issue made the front page of the Wall Street Journal this week: "In Cemeteries, Sky-High Metal Prices Lead to Grave Situation."

Expensive Veterinarians and What Happens When Your Pet Dies, Part III?

Recently another one of our pets, Charlie, died.  Charlie was a male, white Maine Coon Cat and he was 12 years old.  Charlie was not plump and soft and fuzzy.   He was always skinny, standoffish and ornery, but the 2 of us liked one another.  He was mostly an indoor cat.  Sometimes in warmer weather he would go outside for a bit, but not too far from the back door.  Recently he went out and did not return on his own.  Usually he would be ready to run back inside after about 1/2 an hour or so.  At one point after he left he came close to the back door when I opened it but did not come inside.  After 3 days we saw him outside about 20 yards from the back door.  My wife patiently talked to him and eventually she was able to scoop him up and bring him inside.  His eyes looked vacant and distant.  He seemed skinnier and he had not had any of his medications while he was away.   He seemed to be on death's door.  Had he gone away to die?
 So my wife took him to her family veterinarian.  Poor Charlie was full of maggots.  When he came home he could barely walk, most of his hair was shaved, and he had a feeding tube.  My wife mostly fed him for about 1 month.  He did not seem to improve in that time.  The bill from the vet was about $8,000.00!!  It started at about $1400.00 and slowly but surely crept up.  I thought $1400.00 was a lot, but $8,000 ultimately.!?  And then one morning I came downstairs and Charlie was dead.  So again what is a veterinarian's responsibility to counsel against such a bill?  Should Charlie have been put down immediately?  Was the vet only fattening his wallet?

How do you bury a pet?

Another pet bit the dust yesterday.  That's 5 in the last year!  Three dogs and two cats have died, all of them older.  They are all buried in my yard.  (Many cities/towns, etc. do not allow this.  There are pet cemeteries where pets can be buried, for a price.)  Tyler was a too skinny grey 18-year-old cat.  He did not look a day over 3 or 4 months old.  My brother-in-law dropped him off at our house a few months ago because he's fixing his place up for sale.  My wife guessed that Tyler was here to die, and so he did. And he smelled.  B.O.  And he meowed, loudly.  None of the surviving pets liked Tyler.  I liked him.  My 2 year old son loved him as Tyler would not run away from him.  Now Tyler's gone.  We thought he was ready to die a few days ago so we took him to my wife's family vet.  I told the vet that Tyler seemed to be ready to die.  The vet disagreed and suggested that we do some tests on Tyler to the tune of $851.00!  He told me this with a smile on his face. (My brother-in-law was listening in on the speaker function on my cell phone.  He fell off his chair when he heard the dollar amount.)  What do you do in such a situation?  Do you spend whatever to try to prolong your pet's life?  Should the vet tell you that you will be spending a lot of money potentially in vain?   What is right and wrong here?   My brother-in-law asked for a less costly option.  This came to $250.00.  I've heard that veterinarian pricing is going up and up.  

Love and Death and George Jones

Love and death.   You can die so many ways: in war, driving, flying, accident, cancer, old age, etc.  George Jones sings a haunting song called He Stopped Loving Her Today.  His tone is haunting and pained.  It's a song of unrequited love.  He loves her.  She no longer loves him.  He keeps on loving her through the years.  She moves on.  Finally after years he smiles.  But he's dead and smiling in his coffing. So in death he finally stops loving her:  "This time he's over her for good."  Love can hurt and can be painful.  Can it lead to death?

Vampires and Zombies

Death.  No one wants to think about it or talk about it.  Until it happens and then we all scramble in a fog to take care of things.  And death is expensive.  But now everywhere we look we see books, movies, shows about vampires, zombies, etc.  Basically they are dead people.  There are lots of them, some pretty and some ugly.  And they have become very popular.  It's been posited that all of us are one or the other basically.  And if somehow you are neither, say a regular person, you are "dead meat" (per Heather Havrilesky).

Corpses As Dolls

There's so much to consider about death, real and imagined.  And then there are just plain macabre stories.     In Russia a 45-year-old man was arrested today for digging up corpses.  He dressed them up doll-like in stockings and dresses and placed them around his apartment.  The corpses were all female and they had died years ago between the ages of 15 to 26.  He made one look like a teddy bear.  He sometimes slept in a coffin or on graveyard benches.  Imagine  him actually digging up the bodies and then carrying them back to his apartment.  How did he keep the bodies from decomposing?  It was his parents who discovered the bodies.  Norman Bates of Psycho comes to mind.   I have heard many stories of people not reporting a loved ones' death because they did not want to be a lonely survivor.  Often the survivor will dress up the deceased, talk to them and prop them up in chairs, etc.

Talking about macabre, how about a 36-year-old woman in the Bronx.  She was caring for a 76-year-old man in her apartment.  He died in the apartment.  She was afraid she would get in trouble so she wrapped his body in plastic and put it in a suitcase.   She then took the suitcase to the rear of an abandoned building nearby and left the suitcase there.  She placed a small handwritten sign on the suitcase: "Rest in Peace."

Love and Death and Murder in Georgetown

Viola Drath, a 91-year-old Washington D.C.  socialite, was found dead in August of this year by her 47-year-old husband in her Georgetown townhouse.  Shortly thereafter he was arrested for murder.  They had been married for 20 years and are known for the soirees they hosted for Washington's A-listers.   His name is Albrecht Gero Muth.  He is a German who claims to be an Iraqi army general.  How many times have we seen similar stories?:  much older men, much younger women/much older women, much younger men.   Most of these seem to be odd and somewhat perverse relationships that are fundamentally flawed and often really revolve around money and greed.

Death/Ghost Humor

I could not resist this death/ghost cartoon.  Death is usually considered grim.  But there is a lot of funny humor about death and ghosts.  For those who don't know, the children's book Goodnight Moon is considered a classic.

What Happens When Your Pet Dies?

We all love our pets, most of the time.  When they die it can be very very tough.  How much would you spend to keep a sick pet alive?  $0, $500, $5,000, $20,000, etc.  When a pet is older and sick is it the vet's responsibility to counsel you to not spend a lot of money trying to keep your pet alive?  Apparently often a great deal of money can be spent and then the pet dies anyway.  Sometimes you may be able to spend thousands and often not.  Some of us will try almost anything to keep a pet alive.  It's personal.  A pet can be a family member like a child.

When death occurs there are pet cemeteries where you can bury your pet.  A plot will cost about $500 to $1200 depending on the size of the pet.  You will need to buy a coffin.  Most are polyethylene.  They will cost from $200-$700 at a cemetery depending on size.  You can buy them for not much money online but the cemetery may give you a hard time.  That can be overcome.  Usually memorialization is optional.  A memorial at the cemetery will cost you anywhere from $700 and up into the thousands depending on size, etc.  You can buy them for much lower prices online.

Typically if you would like to cremate your pet the vet can handle that for you.  Not all vets have a crematorium.   Those that do can actually do an individual cremation for you.  Many pet crematoriums handle group cremations of pets.  Some people like to keep their cremated pet(s) somewhere in their home.  Some don't want to ever see their pets in any form after death.

And some people like to bury their pets in their yards.  A lot of towns, cities, etc. do not allow this.

Do You Dread Death?

We all are going to die.  Do you dread death?  My computer died for 2 days.  Actually my internet connection died for almost 2 days. That was tough for me as I am so connected to the internet for work. But today both are back and alive and well.  Thank goodness.


Tuesday was All Saint's Day.  Yesterday was All Soul's Day.  In Mexico it is Dia de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead.  It exists by other names in other nations and cultures.  Graves of love ones are cleaned up and decorated.  Often home altars are created with pictures of your beloved dead, symbols and tokens of their lives.  You might gather and tell stories, even jokes and anecdotes from the lives of those you've lost.  In America we just don't like to think about death.  We often never visit a loved one's grave after a burial.  Henri Nouwen observed that people we love become part of us.  When they die, we feel diminished.  But as we let go of them "they become part of our 'members' and as we 're-member' them, they become our guides on our spiritual journey."  But only if we do remember them at least once a year,  think about them, but/and then get on with our lives.  (Thanks to Bill Tully, Rector at St. Bart's Episcopal Church, New York, NY.)

What is the meaning of life?

What is the meaning of life?  Where did we come from?  Where did the earth come from?  How do we measure our lives?  What's makes our lives valuable?  We all think about life and death occasionally.  The adventurer, hero, mountain climber George Mallory wrote, "What we get from this adventure is just sheer joy.  And joy is, after all, the end of life.  We do not live to eat and make money."  And Hunter S. Thompson wrote, "Life has improved immeasurably since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously." Many many poems have been written about life and death.  The poet and playwright Robert Browning wrote, "I shall be found by the fire, suppose/O'er a great wise book as beseemeth age,/While the shutters flap as the cross-wind blows/And I turn the page, and I turn the page."

Do you know the word "thanatopsis?"   It is a view or contemplation of death.  Thanatopsis is of Greek origin (thanato- meaning death and -opsis meaning likeness or idea) and it was first used in English by the poet William Cullen Bryant in his 1817 poem of the same name.  Nice poem about death.?   It states that we are all going to die someday just as all have died before us (kings and the powerful included).

Are Flea Market/Yard Sale Purchases Haunted?

Let's talk about death.  None of us really want to.  But why not?  It's part of life whether we like it or not. No one has figured out a way to avoid it.  It sure can be grim but it doesn't have to be.  There is a place for humor, mystery, wonder, etc.

But the title of this Post is interesting.  Years ago I would NEVER buy anything secondhand at a flea market/yard sale/church sale, etc.  There was definitely a yech factor for me.  I would only buy things in stores, hopefully on sale.  At a hospital fundraiser I bought a used beautiful old suit for not much money.  It had belonged to someone else.  In fact his name was written inside the suit jacket pocket.  I kind of went eww but it fit perfectly.  This was my first secondhand purchase.  While commuting on the train one day I ran into an older friend.  He was a proud Harvard grad and always impeccably dressed.  He commented on what a nice suit I had on.  It was my secondhand new old suit.  So I told him about the suit and I mentioned the name that was in the suit.  It turns out that my friend actually knew the person!  That was a little spooky but interesting.  I unfortunately never felt the former owner's spirit.  I wore that suit until it literally fell apart.

So how about you?  Have you experienced any spirits, ghosts, odd winds, happenings related to anything you've bought secondhand from flea markets/yard sales, etc.?  I have not.   And I believe in spirits.  And I now buy almost everything I buy from yard sales.  I almost never buy retail anymore.  I find it fun.  And it's amazing the large number of wonderful things I've purchased at yard sales for next to nothing.

Is There Funny Death-Related Humor?

CNBC just reported that there is one death from suicide in America every 15 minutes, or about 36,000 annually.  That's unbelievable.

In total there are about 2.5 million deaths due to all causes annually in America.  That works out to about 6,850 deaths per day or about 285 people per hour or about 70 deaths every 15 minutes.

Most of us consider death to be grim and something we would rather not think and/or talk about.  So it's interesting to see that there is a lot of death-related humor, some of it actually funny.   Consider the humor writer Mike Sacks.  He wrote a funny (perhaps grim) cartoon called "IKEA Instructions."  It is available online:

Do-It-Yourself (DIY) Home Funerals

When death occurs most of us are flummoxed.  We do not know what to do.  And then suddenly there is SO much to do.  And given that we are grieving it is difficult to move through all that needs to be done.  It is said that there are 128 things that need to be done when and after someone dies.  Probably the first thing to do is to call a funeral home.  Their function is to remove and handle and prepare the body.  But many states allow you to do this yourself in your own home.  You can do-it-yourself (DIY).  You can provide/build your own casket.  And then clean and dress the body and have a viewing.  You will need to get a death certificate on your own from your local town / municipal office.  And you will need a Permit for Dispositon of Human Remains to transport the body. Embalming is NOT mandatory.  It can be a good idea depending on how things evolve but it is money you can save whether you use a funeral home or not.  The less you involve a funeral home / cemetery, the more money you will save.  Most of us could not do this and would not, but it is permissible in many states.  Sometimes you simply need a licensed funeral director to oversee the process.  Many funeral directors do not lie about do-it-yourself funerals when they say it cannot be done in a particular state.  They are simply misinformed.  Some states even allow backyard burials, subject to local laws/zoning.

How do I donate graves?

If you own graves that you do not want to sell or that you give up on trying to sell you can donate those graves.  You must donate them to a non profit.  I can help you with this if you like, for a fee.  By donating your graves you will receive a tax deduction based on the current value of the graves at the cemetery where they are located.  So it depends on your tax situation whether this benefits you or not.  Beyond that there is a social good to donating:  people who cannot afford to buy expensive graves can benefit from receiving your graves at no cost from the nonprofit.  And it is a way to get unused graves off your mind if you give up on trying to sell them.

Death Poetry and Burial at a Discount

The poet Tomas Transtromer of Sweden just won the 2011 Nobel Prize in Literature.  His poems find "depth in simplicity."  He wrote:  "In the middle of life it happens that death comes and measures man.  The visit is forgotten and life continues.  But the suit is made, quietly."  There has been much poetry written about death.  Many beautiful epitaphs are like poems.  Perhaps poetry can help us move through death.

Death comes to all of us whether we like it or not.  Usually it is a surprise and we and our survivors are not ready to accept it.   Think ahead.  Plan ahead.  Let me be your advocate for your cemetery arrangements at a steep discount to face value.  These arrangements can be bought at a discount.  Think about it.  We all shop around now for the best price for food, cars, clothes, electronics, etc.  Funeral home and cemetery prices are high.  Why not save money if you can.

How To Sell a Grave/Plot That You Will Not Need

If you own a plot/grave that you do not need and/or that you will not use it is possible to sell it.  It probably will take some time and some patience, and the right price.  The transaction is between the seller and the buyer.  Most cemeteries do not buy graves back.  They prefer to sell their own graves at full price to brand new buyers.  It is perfectly fine and legal to sell a grave.  When you hear the price that your cemetery charges for a grave you may see dollar signs.  But when selling a grave you will have to sell it at a steep discount to what the cemetery currently charges.  That discount averages around 80%.  Yes you read that correctly.  80%.  You can try to charge whatever price you want but my experience is that an 80% discount gets the job done.  If you try to charge too high a price your graves simply will not sell.  Buyers are looking for a deal.  And there may be a stigma about buyint a grave from you and not the cemetery.  But why shouldn't someone buy a grave from you at a discount when they can save so much money.  Those savings can be left to survivors, charity, etc.  Often unused graves are inherited so any dollar amount you get is gravy.  The cemetery will probably charge you a deed transfer fee of around $100 (give or take) per new deed created.  Maybe the buyer will assume that fee, especially since they are buying at a very good price.

I am happy to be your advocate in selling graves, for a fee, which we will discuss when appropriate.  I can be reached at 215-989-9348 and/or at deathternity@gmail.com.  Thank you and good luck.

Steve Jobs R.I.P.

Steve Jobs R.I.P.  What a life!  What an inspiration!  He himself said that we all will die and that that is the way the old goes away and new things, life, etc. come to be.  Yet 56 is so young these days.  I think of so many others who have died young.  Why?  Why do others live longer?

How To Buy A Grave At Need

Most people buy a grave after a death occurs (at need{AN}).  Any cemetery will sell you a grave AN at full price.  Prices may vary by location within a cemetery.  You will probably pick a cemetery nearby.  You will need to visit the cemetery and actually walk around until you find a location that appeals to you. Certainly prices of graves/plots vary across the United States.  Most cemetery "family service counselors" are sales people meaning that they get paid mostly or 100% by commission.  (The job title "family service counselor" is different at different cemeteries.)  In urban areas prices within a cemetery range from about $2,000.00 per grave up to maybe $8,000.00 per grave.  On at AN basis you must pay the cemetery in full upfront before a burial can take place.  Do you want to be in the ground in a grave?  Do you want to be above ground in a crypt?  Do you want to be above ground in a private mausoleum just for you and/or your spouse/partner and/or your loved ones?  Typically a crypt is more expensive than a grave and a private mausoleum is more expensive still.

Make sure you ask about Perpetual Care.  Is it included in the price?  Is it something that you pay extra for?  If so are you billed annually and if so what is that dollar amount?

You can also buy a grave AN from someone who owns a grave that they are never going to use.  You will pay the seller about 20% of what the cemetery will charge you.  So the savings can be dramatic and substantial.  It is perfectly legal to do this and pretty easy to do so.  (For a fee I can help you with this:  215-989-9348, deathternity@gmail.com.)

What happens when we die?

What happens when we die?  Is there an afterlife?  Is there a hereafter?  Are we reincarnated?  Is there life on other planets?  Is there an angel of death that we see or do not see?  Is there an angel of God?  Why can't we talk to or see the dead?  Should we care?  Are we irrational about death?  Should we be calm about death, our own and our loved ones?  Can we be calm?  Should we grieve?  What about Psychics, etc.?  Are they all frauds?  Do they prey on our weaknesses?  Are there ghosts or spirits?

Practically speaking when someone dies the first call made should be to the funeral home.  It is their responsibility to come for the body wherever it is located and then to prepare the body for it's final disposition.

Selling Graves You Will Not Use

It is possible to sell graves/plot/interment spaces, outer burial container vaults, opening and closing interment fees that you will not be using.  Be prepared to have some patience.  It takes some time to sell cemetery property but it can be done and it is perfectly above-board and legal.  Almost all cemeteries will not buy your graves.  You may not want to hear this but you will most likely have to sell your cemetery property at a deep discount to what the cemetery charges currently.  You can try to sell whatever you own at whatever price you can get.  If you can get $10,000 per grave, great!  But most likely if you are trying to sell your graves at a price near to the cemetery price you will likely be disappointed that the graves have not sold and probably they will not sell.  My experience is that you will be able to sell your graves for about 20% of what the cemetery charges.  So if you inherited the graves that might be OK.  But graves are typically not a source of quick cash, of easy money, unfortunately.  Once you do find a buyer it is pretty simple to effect the transfer.  There may be a transfer fee.

Check out my prior blogs here, and check out Twitter.com/@deathternity.  email me a deathternity@gmailcom.  I am happy to talk to you about the above and to help you if you wish.  There could be some fee depending on my involvement.

Costs of Funeral Homes and Cemeteries

I saw an ad on television today stating that the average cost for a funeral now is $9,000.00.  That's a little more than I thought.  And that does not include cemetery costs which run probably about another $9,000 and up per person.  So that is about $18,000.00 and up PER PERSON!  That's a lot of money and most people are shocked when they figure this out which is usually AFTER someone has died.  These things can be preplanned and prepaid (and financed) while people are alive.  Most people put this on the back burner and do not want to think about it.  Aside from the money there is the emotional part of death.  It is very difficult to figure out the details of the above while you are grieving.  It is a great gift to your survivors to do the above yourself and not leave it to your loved ones.  Cremation can definitely be a much lower cost option.  But why not consider buying your cemetery arrangements from someone who owns graves that they will not use.  You can buy these graves at about 20% of what you would pay the cemetery.  Often these graves include outer burial container vaults and opening and closing interment fees.  Pass these saving to your survivors, a charity, your church, etc.  I am happy to talk to anybody about how easy it is to do this.  Email me at deathternity@gmail.com.  And check out @deathternity on Twitter.

Female Funeral Directors

When you choose your funeral home, your final arrangements, who you choose and what you choose is very personal.  These days most funeral directors are male, and the average age is about 60.  There is a smaller and younger demographic developing of female funeral directors.  They tend to talk to and know one another as their numbers are small.   Many people that I have talked to feel that most of the male funeral directors they have dealt with are arrogant, expensive and that they really have little empathy for the survivors.  Maybe we perceive this when we are grieving.  Maybe having a know-it-all male funeral director helps us get through a funeral.?  To paraphrase a pithy phrase a lot of people think that if women ran the world that the world would be a better place, now and in the past.  So there is some thinking that female funeral directors would be and are more caring and understanding.

Cemeteries in the Marcellus Shale Region of Western PA

Recently a number of cemeteries, including the Catholic Cemeteries Association cemeteries, in the Marcellus Shale region of southwestern Pennsylvania have signed leases with gas drillers.  Some of these cemeteries are in Allegheny County which is where the city of Pittsburgh is located.  Urban drilling?  The cemeteries claim that they will not permit the drillers to drill in developed sections of any cemetery.  The drillers will only be allowed to drill in not yet developed areas of cemeteries.  Think about that.  Do you think your buried loved ones would like that proximity.  How will the survivors of those buried find that acceptable.  Presumably all of the money from the leases goes to the cemeteries, not to the owners of the graves.  How much money is involved and who benefits from this money.  What will the cemeteries do with the money?  Probably buyers of graves did not have something like this in mind when they bought their graves.  My understanding is that un-/non-developed sections of cemeteries can only be used eventually for burial purposes.?

Municipal/Public Burial Fees Surging

Speaking of the now and the future of cemeteries:

Many municipalities across the U.S. own their own cemeteries.  Typically their fees are relatively reasonable.  But that is changing quickly.  Given the poor economy many municipalities are raising their prices for these cemeteries, often dramatically.  This is painful for those who use these cemeteries.  As an FYI, relative to many urban cemeteries these municipal cemetery fees are still often much much lower than their urban for profit corporate cemeteries.  For profit cemeteries typically have, and have had, at least one price increase a year across the board for all of their different fees:  cost of graves/crypts/lawn crypts/cremation interment options, opening and closing of the grave, etc. interment fee, outer burial container vaults, memorialization, etc.  They are very good at raising prices, partly to pay for sales commissions to cemetery representatives, and to pay for their layers of management/stock options, etc.

The Future of Burial

Today I saw a full page ad in the Wall Street Journal for I-Memorial and I-Tomb.  They are both offered by the same company.  They are really virtual memorialization online for the dead; perhaps a virtual cemetery of sorts.  Is this a good idea or not?  Again it's personal.  For many we remember and honor our deceased loved ones' spirits in our minds.  The two I's will probably find some interest with a fair number of people.  I am not sure how much they cost.  Some people will always like to have a physical place to visit to remember their deceased loved ones.  Some people will never visit a cemetery.  Some will choose the I's as a way to remember.  I-Tomb is for people already deceased.  Survivors can arrange online memorials.  I-Memorial is for those who are still living.  The living can arrange how they would like to be remembered themselves.  Apparently this includes leaving passwords, etc. for bank accounts, online accounts, etc. so that your survivors won't have to struggle figuring these things out.  Right now this is a big problem with email, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

It's Personal: What to do With Your Body When You Die

What you decide to do with your body after death is very personal.  Cremation?  Full body burial in a grave with a casket.  Would you like to be interred aboveground in a crypt or mausoleum?  Everyone has their own decisions to make.  Go online or to the library and look up the Capuchin Catacombs in Italy.  It's worth your time as the pictures are compelling.  The catacombs were open from about the mid 1500s through the early 1900s.  People were placed in a variety of positions (sitting, standing, lying down, etc.) and they are in those positions to this day.  The clothes that they were interred in are in most cases still in pretty good condition.  Some look like they are ready for a conversation with you today.
 The actor Larry Hagman (the TV show Dallas) says that "he would like his body to be scattered over a field and have marijuana and wheat planted and harvest it in a couple of years and then have a big marijuana cake, enough for 200 to 300 people.  People would eat a little Larry".
So it's very personal and it's up to you to decide.  It would be kind of you to decide so that your survivors do not have to make that difficult (for them) decision.

Please contact me here with any thoughts, comment, questions or at deathternity@gmail.com.  You might also like to take a look at funny/odd/different epitaphs on Twitter at #deathternity.

The Future of Burial

How we bury our love ones now is the same thing humans have been doing for thousands of years:  cremation, full body or cremation burial in the ground, full body or cremation above ground in crypts, mausoleums, niches, etc.  What will the future bring?  I don't see any major changes on the horizon.  Will cryogenics (freezing of bodies for future re-use) become not only affordable but acceptable?  There was some thought recently to start burying bodies vertically, that is standing up, instead of horizontally.  But that idea never got anywhere because people want to be laid to rest, not standing up like in a phone booth for eternity.  There is so far a small movement towards green burial.  People are concerned about running out of real estate.  But America is a BIG country and so far there has been and looks like there will be for some time plenty of room for traditional burial in caskets here in America.  The number of people being cremated is increasing over time.  It is simpler and much less expensive than traditional burial but many people cannot stomach the idea.  But technology is expanding very rapidly, and America is a very dynamic country.  Things in the technology world seem to suddenly appear out of nowhere and suddenly they are everywhere:  iPhone, iPad, iPod, Skype, laptops, smartphones, etc., etc.  Laptop and desktop computers are really not that old and some people thought that computers would never develop into a mass market for all people.  So we'll see what the future brings for the deathcare industry.

Please feel free to contact me with any thoughts, comments or questions.  I can also be reached at deathternity@gmail.com.

Living to 100, and Beyond

As time passes people are living longer and longer.  When Social Security was started 65 was set as the age for distributions to begin because most people did not live to 65 then.  Now 65 is considered "young."  And we are often pretty healthy in old age.  Many doctors, etc. now think that within the next 50 to 100 years people will start living to 150, and that we will mostly be healthy.  Certainly technology is moving forward faster and faster, for the better I think.  This is leading to improvements in healthcare and medical technology all the time.  When we have physical/medical problems in the future we will go into the "shop" (hospital) and have parts replaced, just like our cars.  Even living to 150 though we will still die at some point.  So we will still need to think about what to do with our bodies when death does inevitably come.  It's selfish to leave this decision to our survivors.  There are currently over 1 million graves/interment spaces owned in America that people will never use for whatever reason.  This number will increase in the future.  Why not take advantage of this inventory.  As a buyer you can buy these graves at a severe discount.  As a seller you can get some money for these graves. Or you can donate them to those in need for a tax deduction.  I would be happy to answer any questions about the above.  Contact me here or at deathternity@gmail.com.  Here's to the future!

Donate Graves

If you own graves that you will not use and you are unable to find a buyer for them, you can donate them to a charity or nonprofit.  It is possible to find a buyer for graves you are trying to sell but it takes time and patience, and most likely you will have to sell them at a deep discount to the price that the cemetery charges.  It is perfectly fine and legal to sell or donate graves/interment spaces.  It's a pretty easy transfer as well.  If you donate graves to a non profit, you will receive a tax deduction based on the current value that the cemetery itself charges for the graves now.  So you will benefit from this depending on your own tax situation.  But apart from that if you are unable to sell graves, donation is an option to consider so that you can be done with the graves and thinking about them.  Plus there is the goodwill of getting the graves to those truly in need who cannot afford graves/interment spaces.  I would be happy to talk to anyone about how to effect a donation transfer.

Buying graves at a discount

There are over 1 million interment spaces owned nationwide by people who are not going to use them.  They may have inherited them.  They may not live near to where the graves are located.  For whatever reason the owners are not going to use them.  These graves can legally be bought.  It is perfectly fine and perhaps a good thing to do for the buyer.  The seller wants to sell them for as high a price as possible and the buyer wants to pay as low a price as possible.  The graves market is very illiquid.  There is no central exchange like there is for stocks with the New York Stock Exchange or NASDAQ, etc.  The price that seems to work is about 20% of what the local cemetery currently charges for graves they sell.  So you can buy interment spaces (in ground graves, above ground crypts, cremation interment options, etc.) at a deep deep discount to what you would pay the local cemetery when buying directly from it.  In urban areas where graves sell from $2500 to $7000 per grave and up, and 80% discount purchase price adds up to a lot of money.  The buyer is happy.  The seller gets to be done with something that is sitting uselessly around, and the cemetery gets to sell the buyer other things that would not be sold if the graves sat empty forever.

Preplanning one's death

Almost no one is prepared for death when it comes.  We do not know when death will come.  It is part of life and yet most people do not want to think about it and/or consider death.  It's off somewhere in the distant future.  So we put it on the back burner, the far back burner of life.  When death does occur the survivors are often overcome with grief.  It is very hard to think clearly.  We are not in any condition to shop around or comparison shop.  Only 28% of Americans have preplanned and/or prepaid for their final arrangements after death occurs.  For survivors therefore having to make the arrangements it is like learning a foreign language.  What would Mom want?  Cremation or full body burial in a casket?  Where would she like to be interred?  How would she like to be memorialized/remembered?  Which funeral home should we use?  Which cemetery?  And oh by the way who's going to pay for all of this, and how?  (Funeral home and cemetery costs combined now range from about $8000 to $20000 and up per person, potentially way up from that range.)   On an at need basis, that is if cemetery arrangements are bought after death occurs (if nothing has been preplanned/prepaid) cemeteries require that they be paid in full before interment can take place.  So preplanning is something to strongly consider.  Apart from financial considerations, it can save your survivors much emotional stress.  If you preplan then they can grieve.  Grieving itself is hard enough.  But it is a real gift to your survivors to make sure that they do not have to make your arrangement while grieving for you.

What to do When Someone Dies

When death occurs contact a funeral home as soon as possible.  It is the funeral home's responsibility to pick up the body and to then prepare the body for interment/cremation.  More and more across America families are choosing cremation.  It is a much much lower cost option than traditional burial/entombment (above ground interment in a crypt/mausoleum).  It is very personal whatever choice you choose.  If you choose traditional you have the cost of the viewing, the casket, the grave at the cemetery, an outer burial container vault for the grave that the casket goes into, the memorial/memorialization (flat bronze marker/headstone/gravestone), the interment fee (opening and closing of the grave).   A traditional full body interment can run around $15,000 per person minimum for the cemetery portion of the burial in and around urban areas.  And it can cost much much more.  This does not include the funeral home side of things.  That can be an additional $6,000 - $18,000 and up per person.  The cemetery side of cremation inurnment ranges from about $1500 - $6000 per person and up.

Deathternity

The purpose of Deathternity is to discuss all things possible about death, including the afterlife (eternity).  I will talk about death in general and death specifically (i.e.-death, grief, burial, cemeteries, funeral homes, etc.).  My attempt is to make people more comfortable thinking about death.  It is something that we have not found a way to avoid.  It is part of life whether we like it or not.
Further there are about 1 million owned graves in cemeteries in America that people will not use.  I would encourage people to begin thinking about either selling those graves and or buying those graves.  Or I would like to encourage people to donate the graves that they will not use to nonprofit organizations so that people in need can use the graves with little or no expense.