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Deathternity talks about all things death related. There are 1 million+ owned graves in cemeteries in America that people will not use. Cemeteries do not buy graves back. I would encourage people to begin thinking about either selling or buying these graves at a deep discount to what your cemetery charges. Or you can donate unused graves for a tax deduction. If I can help you with this please contact me here, email me at deathternity@gmail.com, or call me at 215-341-8745. My fees vary.
Saturday, May 27, 2017 |
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One of the hardest parts of my job is not writing many of the stories I gather. There is never enough room. My article about John Shields’s decision to end his life was particularly heartbreaking on this account because he wasn’t the only person who opened up his life and pending death to me. Two women also did. | ||
In all three cases, we struck a deal. They were free to tell me to buzz off at any time, and I might not write their stories. There were two main reasons for this: I didn’t want to influence their decisions, and I wanted, in the end, to tell one intimate story. All three graciously accepted. In the case of the two women, they told me they had found the interviews helpful. I’d like to tell you a bit about them. | ||
June Vaile was a feisty and forthright Torontonian. Her diagnosis of colon cancer came as a relief to her, she said, because near-total blindness caused by macular degeneration had robbed her of her life’s pleasures two years before. Canadian doctors performing medically assisted deaths told me this is common, by the way. The suffering of many people nearing death is psychological, from their loss of abilities and purpose. | ||
Ms. Vaile, 80, was a single parent, an interior designer, an avid traveler and, in her 30s, an activist for assisted death with the lobbying group Dying With Dignity. She delighted in the fact that she was now benefiting from that work. She called it a seed she had planted decades ago that was taking bloom now. | ||
In the weeks before her scheduled death, her family surrounded her and many friends dropped in to say goodbye. “If I’d died naturally as a sick old lady, I’d have missed it,” she told me. “I think it’s wonderful.” | ||
She died on April 1 with her two children beside her. | ||
The second woman was Eve McLeod, 62, a quiet and introspective person from Victoria, British Columbia, who died on Tuesday from pancreatic cancer. When she was told she had cancer, she had recently retired from her nursing job and was mourning the loss of her mother. | ||
Ms. McLeod lived in a quaint bungalow, cluttered with her mother’s furniture. Out back was a stunning garden that she loved to work in while listening to Baroque music. She never married, but had deep, rich friendships. | ||
In the end, Ms. McLeod died naturally. But the option to end her life offered her relief — she was very frightened of the pain she might endure — and focus. It prompted her to prepare, she said. When I arrived at her house one day in March, she had the outfit she wanted to be buried in laid out. I recorded her telling me about it on my iPhone. You can watch that video, edited by my colleague Erica Berenstein, here. | ||
Read: At His Own Wake, Celebrating Life and the Gift of Death | ||
Mr. Shields, in photographs provided by his family, was an activist, an environmentalist and the president of the British Columbia Government Employees’ Union. “He has never met an audience he didn’t love,” said Preben Skovgaard, his former chief of staff and best friend. | ||
My article about Mr. Shields prompted readers to leave comments both on The New York Times’s website and through Facebook. A selection of comments, edited for space and clarity, is below. | ||
We’re interested in hearing more. How do you and your loved ones handle death? Has Mr. Shields’s story affected your views on what you might consider a “good death”? | ||
Please let me know. We will be reading your responses, and we may publish more of them. | ||
My husband made his own coffin, used it as a bar to celebrate his life with friends and music one week before he died. Much love, friendship and music in the backyard. All was good. | ||
Carmen Lopez, Winnipeg, Manitoba | ||
John Shields was a man of integrity. He stood up for his convictions and always fought for the working person. I do believe that Canada is a more compassionate society than that of the United States. We’ve also had governments that tried to hurt and divide us. Men like John Shields prevented this from happening in Canada. | ||
“Vanstar,” Vancouver, British Columbia | ||
My mother passed away two months ago and she chose life to her very end. Five years ago, doctors told us she was at the end of her life. Miraculously, she lived much longer than anticipated and got to see her then-2-year-old granddaughter turn 7 and get to know her and love her. I saw my mother suffer, especially during the last year, so I can totally understand why people would choose just to go. However, as Christians, we believe that our lives are brief moments, and that it is not so much about how we died; it is much more about where we will spend eternity. This, too, is respectful, just as the decision of this Canadian gentleman. As a Canadian myself, I will always advocate and be proud to live in a country where my rights and beliefs as a Christian are also respected, just as it should be for doctors who do not wish to facilitate euthanasia. This to me is the true sign of a civilized society. | ||
Patricia Gonzalez | ||
I have never read anything that moved me as much as this story. I am sitting here trying to see my keyboard through many tears. I salute the intelligence and compassion the government of Canada has shown in allowing this procedure to be performed. Godspeed, Mr. Shields. | ||
John Lusk, Danbury, Conn. | ||
My dad died last year, and I think if he’d had more time he’d have chosen this. In the end, he needed so much morphine and methadone to control his pain that it killed him. I’m still angry that heroin wasn’t available. But I’m glad this is available now and that marijuana will be more available for those with chronic pain. We are getting less prissy and judgmental. Our family is not religious and feel that anyone who is should not use these options, but shouldn’t interfere in the lives of others. | ||
Shawn, Saskatchewan | ||
Mr. Shields with his wife, Robin June Hood, in a photograph of their wedding provided by his family. |
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